Take a Journey to Places Out of This World – Space Boys (NEH Magazine)

A version of the following article was published in the February “The Future Issue” of NEH Magazine.

The magnetic poles on Neptune do not match up with the geographic poles like they do on Earth. A popular explanation in the scientific community is the presence of a giant liquid diamond ocean. Such an ocean could deflect the angle of the magnetic field out of alignment with the planet’s rotation.

But how do you melt a diamond? Doesn’t it turn in to graphite when heated?

Actually, scientists used a super laser to zap a diamond with extremely high pressures and it melted. When they gradually lowered the pressure, chunks of diamonds began to appear, like floating icebergs in the arctic. The atmosphere on Neptune contains both the high temperatures and pressures needed for this reaction to take place naturally.

So yes, there are massive amounts of diamond on Neptune. Why am I so confident? Scientific theory helps. Better yet, Space Boys confirmed it.

It’s totally true. You can learn how they cashed in on all those diamonds on their debut concept album titled “Diamonds on Neptune”.

So the story goes, Jesus Jones, Village and Boat Music were working odd jobs in their hometown of Skowhegan, Maine. One night, they stumbled upon “The Space Issue” in a stack of National Geographic Magazines at supreme beat maker Entricut’s house which revealed the Neptune diamond theory. Too good to be true, right? Wrong.

Thanks to “The Astronaut Farmer” starring Billy Bob Thornton they had a pretty good idea of how to build a space worthy craft. Lucky for them, Skowhegan is home to the nation’s largest wooden statue of a Native American, the perfect base structure for their vessel. Once outfitted with a racquetball court, scientific laboratory, immaculate living quarters, health spa, movie theater and the famous Super Computer, they were ready to blast that Native American off deep in to the solar system in search of riches.

The journey to Neptune was ripe with adversity. Super Computer tried foiling their plans, and the fourth Space Boy died. Yes, there were four Space Boys. Their extremely handsome hometown friend Jaguar Whispers was discovered as a stowaway well in to the journey. He’s the one that caught on to Super Computer’s plans to lead their ship in to harms way and destroyed it by setting fire to the mother board. It was also Jaguar Whispers that gave his life fighting the aliens that had the Native American shaped craft strongly held in their tractor beam.

After a short period of depression, they finally landed on Neptune and filled their craft with diamonds of all sizes. The only thing left to do was return to Earth with their bling. Self cryogenicaly frozen, they set the auto-pilot full speed back to earth to cash in on all those diamonds. The three remaining Space Boys are currently considered Intergalactic Ambassadors held in the highest regard.

Between interplanetary joy rides aboard the wooden Native American space craft, you can find Space Boys living the good life in Korea where they have earned a reputation for good times and a lively performance. Skilled enough to represent without taking themselves too seriously, a Space Boys show serves up the perfect party atmosphere with infectious beats and clever rhymes you can’t shake out of your mind.

2010 was anything but boring for this trio. In addition to spending endless hours in the space lab putting the finishing touches on Diamonds on Neptune, they were performing in Seoul at events like the World DJ Festival and the Lyricist Lounge showcases at Club Freebird. They also made an appearance at the Boryeong Mud Festival in Daecheon Beach where the event staff cut the set short due to the mob of rowdy fans that had enthusiastically taken control of the stage after only 4 songs.

By now you’re surely wondering, what does the future hold for Space Boys? The answer is world peace. And what better place to start than with resolving the conflict between the Koreas? You heard it here. Jesus Jones, Village and Boat Music are putting some of their hard earned diamond money towards resolving this ongoing feud that has become extremely tiresome to us to not only us living in South Korea, but to the rest of the world.

Thank you Space Boys, for your service to the world and to the eardrums of your followers.

Download your very own copy of Diamonds on Neptune at www.diamondsonneptune.com.


~ by ripcitytoseoul on February 13, 2011.

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